PREPPING FOR THE CENSLESS

So I decided I’d get a head start for the Census. I don’t know if they’ve made a mistake but they posted all the questions already on their website so you can totally swat up beforehand. I hope the Department of Education don’t have the same guy looking after the Leaving Cert...!

Anyway ... here are the questions. (I’m so gonna ace this fu(&er on April 26)

There are 35 questions on the census form which must be answered for each individual person in the household.

Question 1 – What is your name?

Your name is what people call you.

Question 2 – Sex

That is not a question.  Please use complete sentences beginning with an interrogative pronoun (Who / What / Where) and ending in a question mark (?) .... but since you ask....every second Wednesday.

Question 3 – What is your date of birth?

I can’t remember … I was very young

Question 4 – What is your relationship to Person 1?

I love him

Question 5 – What is your current marital status?

A bit rocky but we’re working on it

Question 6 – What is your place of birth?

Pretty sure it was hospital but see Question 3

Question 7 – Where do you usually live?

At home

Question 8 – Where did you usually live one year ago?

At home

Question 9 – Have you lived outside the Republic of Ireland for a continuous period of one

year or more?

Possibly when I was born…my memory only goes back to when I was 4 so before that I couldn’t say for sure ... you’d have to ask me Ma

Question 10 – What is your Nationality?

Your nationality is the country you were born.

Question 11 – What is your ethnic or cultural background?

Right now I’m in work, so the background is kind of Scandinavian themed wallpaper ... I would say … “Nordic”. There’s a picture of my kids too.

Question 12 – What is your religion?

Your religion is what you believe in.

Question 13 – How many children have you given birth to?

That is physiologically impossible … I am a man!?!!

Question 14 – Can you speak Irish?

Níl aon gaeilge agam.

Question 15 – Do you speak a language other than English or Irish at home?

yes ... my dog understands Elvish.

Question 16 – Do you have any of the following long-lasting conditions or difficulties?

Yes … but my eyesight must be going cos I can’t see a list of options...?!

Question 17 – If ‘Yes’ to any of the categories specified in Question 16, do you have any

difficulty in doing any of the following?

I’m really worried now … I think I my brain is filtering out medical terms..!?!?!?!

Question 18 – How is your health in general?

Ah sure I’m grand... bit worried about me eyes now though....

Question 19 – How do you usually travel to work, school or college?

With me Ma

Question 20 – What time do you usually leave home to go to work, school or college?

Roughly breakfast time

Question 21 – How long does your journey to work, school or college usually take?

Ah it'd be long enough now ... traffic is MAD like ... can I get a bus lane permit?

Question 22 – Do you provide regular unpaid personal help for a friend or family member

with a long-term illness, health problem or disability?

Yes … my brother is a prick so I have to spend a lot of time comforting my sister

Question 23 – If you are aged under 15, go to Q34.

What’s in queue 34?

Question 24 – Have you ceased your full-time education?

No … life is a journey of constant learning and I am still alive

Question 25 – What is the highest level of education/training (full-time or part-time) which

you have completed to date?

Level 98 (FarmVille)

Question 26 – What is the main field of study of the highest qualification you have completed to date?

The main field is about 20 acres but I plan on cutting some hedgerow to give me a bit more.  I’m concentrating on wheat mostly – it grows fast so you can get lots of points and level up really quick


Question 27 – How would you describe your present principal status?

I think my principal is pretty sound but some of the other teachers can be mean

Question 28 – If you are working, unemployed or retired, go to Q 29. If you are a student go

to Q34. Otherwise, go to Q35.

I hate queueing … will I be long?

Question 29 – Do (did) you work as an employee or are (were) you self-employed in your

main job?

Yes

Question 30 – What is (was) your occupation in your main job?

I am a Bosser Arounder

Question 31 – If you are retired, go to Q35.

I haven’t retired yet. I need to put the cat out and set the table for the morning … then I can retire.

Question 32 – What is (was) the business of your employer at the place where you work(ed)

in your main job?

He is my Bosser Arounder

Question 33 – If you are unemployed go to Q35.

Has it got any shorter yet … it’s probably full of retired people!!

Question 34 – What is the full name and address of your place of work, school or college?

Too late … I have retired now … see you in the morning.

Question 35 – Answer questions for the next person in the household.

zzzzzzz zzzzzzz zzzzzzz zzzzzzz

(next morning)

(yawn) ... (scratches bollix) ... Ah there y’are .... Peace o’ Cake this Census thingy! ... you should totally try it

AFTER A STRONG ELECTION ARE THE LEFT PLAYING RUSSIAN ROULETTE WITH THEIR MANDATE?

While everybody waits to see if Enda and Micheál can rise above history and put the country before their grandfathers' grudges, I believe the REAL responsibility for the formation of a government lies with the LEFT.

It was NEVER going to take just one election for Ireland to move from an almost entirely RIGHT political landscape to a majority socialist government. At best it was going to take two elections. In my estimation that meant a first election with a government comprising Sinn Féin in some capacity, although we have yet to discover if Sinn Féin actually is a party of LEFT principles or another PSEUDO-LEFT party like Labour ... with Groucho Marx ideology .."I have principles and if you don't like them...I have others".

The LEFT have been given a huge vote by the electorate and it is up to them to go into government with one or other of the old guard whether they like it or not. What the LEFT has this time is the moral authority to REALLY set the agenda for FG or FF and not bend over like Labour did. What they have that Labour didn't is the possibility of walking if they don't get what they (and the people!) want ... and end water charges, Irish Water, property tax, action on the homeless crisis, the health crisis, protection for struggling families in rack-rent accommodation with absentee landlords and hopefully much more.

If we're going to have another election in twelve months ANYWAY!! then they've got absolutely nothing to lose..!!!  Why don't SF or a combination of the other LEFT parties take their place in government to show the people what they're capable of ... actually walking out of a FG / FF led government on matters of principle would be the single biggest boost towards an even bigger win in a future (imminent) election...!!!

The risk for the LEFT is that, the people having given them a strong vote in the election, the new left would see that support fritter away with a backlash. The electorate might just say "listen ... we gave you a strong vote ... the strongest ever in the history of the state ... and you did nothing with it! Do you not want to be in government or what?"

In the Dublin South West constituency where Paul Murphy topped the poll in the 2014 by-election ahead of a Sinn Féin's candidate and an Independent candidate, one might have expected in the recent election that SF would bring home a second seat alongside Seán Crowe and a second anti-austerity candidate or Independent, but Fianna Fáil topped the poll with longtime councillor John Lahart who finished SIXTH in 2014!

My read of that result is that working class FF voters, having gone to Labour in 2011, have swung back to FF, despite the continued support against water charges and perhaps deterred from voting for SF while the party leader still brings so much uncomfortable baggage to the table.

Ireland is still fundamentally a massively conservative country. That doesn't change over the life of one government. Indeed when a government is SO far right as to be a corporate fascist regime of billionaire elitism as Fine Gael were, it is still possible to move to the left and remain right of centre!
Now is the time for AAA-PBP, Sinn Féin and the other smaller groups to take the leap and go into government with SOMEBODY! If they don't they risk losing what they've achieved ... and while they are still basking in the glory of the March election and slapping each other on the back they may pay for the same disconnect from the popular mood that the old guard suffered already this year.

It was never going to happen in one election. We were always going to have to wait the 5 years of a coalition government before seeing what a completely LEFT government might bring us. If it doesn;t happen now then we may be waiting at least the terms of two governments to find out. That's another decade of cronyism, platitudes about reform, corruption, mismanagement, waste, emigration, evictions, homelessness, deaths on trollies, suicides, child poverty, the disintegration of our education and health systems and possibly of society in general...and all the while the politicians and their [REDACTED] mates get richer and richer.

If that happens, I believe it will be the fault of the LEFT. Ideology without realism and pragmatism is worth NOTHING!

You were given the torch ... run with it or watch it burn out.